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Fry’s Electronics, Burbank

Nothing inspires consumer confidences like a giant angry interplanetary octopus with yellow daggers for teeth and a deadly hypnotic stare that suggests for all brave enough to look back into the beast’s eyes that we humans are all merely appetizers in the galactic smorgasbord for a terrorizing colossal overlord. Nothing except for perhaps giant nuclearly mutated ants dangling ominously 10 feet above the Maytag washers and the Amana ranges, or maybe a dozen menacing little green men in foil spacesuits who hide high in the ink cartridge aisle, spying upon patrons like snipers from another planet

Oh mere mortals, don’t fight it. We have no chance, we have no choice. Get on your collective knees and bow to the superiority of our new master. The Electronic Superstore known as Fry’s.

For those who don’t know, Fry’s Electronics is a chain of retail mega-markets located up and down the West Coast and stretching east into Texas, which caters to high –tech professionals, as well as your average P.C. user. While each store has a theme of it’s own, some more obvious than others; Ancient Rome, The Wild West, Atlantis, Burbank’s 1950’s B-movie retro-space motif seems to garner the most attention.

 Possibly because you can’t help but wonder what the marketing gurus had to be thinking, “I’ve got it… We’ll decorate the entire store in things that look like they’ll kill you if you wander too close to the commodities!!!” “Genius idea Witherspoon! I can see it now, fangs, claws, tentacles, ray guns, machine guns. It will be impossible to keep our wares in stock!

\Because of, or in spite of the marketing decisions at the Burbank store, customers are never in short supply, and thanks to it’s close proximity to Hollywood, celebrities have even been known to pick up the occasional USB cable, or stack of blank C.D.s.

You can imagine movie stars such as Ed Begley Jr. (pictured here) to Ed Begley Sr. (had he not died 15 years prior to the launch of the first Fry’s in Sunnyvale, Ca.) shopping in the warehouse-like store, unbothered by the awkward gaze of the public. Who’s going to look twice at Ed Begley (Senior or Junior) when an extraterrestrial spacecraft has crashed and burned into the facade of the structure?

What does this all have to do with quality merchandise at low, low prices? Do not try to figure it out, humans. Our brains are too tiny to comprehend the brilliance of the ultimate plan anyway. Just spend your hard-earned Earthling dollars at Fry’s and pray...pray that you don’t become a mere morsel for the Monsters of Mars! (Insert sinister laugh here).

Weird California


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